It took me approximately 30 years of growing up for me to tell people "no". No, I can't, no thank you, no, don't really want to. Family was the hardest to say no to, especially my mother as I so wanted to please her....at my own expense. Didn't know it at the time, but she wasn't impressed, just self centered. It was also difficult to say "no" to the opposite sex because we as women, we all know that when you say "NO', it means time for negotiations and let the mind games begin. The world doesn't take no for an answer very well either. How could I be so selfish, so not a team player.
I thought I could do everything. Control everything....be liked and at the same time be nice and kind. I've seen that saying that states, " don't confuse my kindness for a weakness". That was me....so I thought. Nurture this person, nurture that person, do this, do that, fix this, go here, can you please?, I knew you would come through...but I couldn't do it anymore. I came to the realization that I came first and that saying yes to everyone and everything just brought on resentment, guilt and frustration and worse....not taking care of myself.
Which is why I am teaching my college living daughter to "just say no". NO...it's not to drugs, although that would be alright too. It's just say "no" to whomever and whatever that makes you uncomfortable, tired, off schedule and just plain crazy. Through our recent talks it seems that time has started to repeat itself. So, I tell her what no one bothered to tell me....It's OK to say NO! NO, I can't go to dinner, NO, I don't want a boyfriend, NO, I need to study and NO...I just don't want to....
I told her that if at anytime she didn't want my opinion, advice or 2 cents, that she is to tell me NO thanks.........I'm Just Sayin'
I thought I could do everything. Control everything....be liked and at the same time be nice and kind. I've seen that saying that states, " don't confuse my kindness for a weakness". That was me....so I thought. Nurture this person, nurture that person, do this, do that, fix this, go here, can you please?, I knew you would come through...but I couldn't do it anymore. I came to the realization that I came first and that saying yes to everyone and everything just brought on resentment, guilt and frustration and worse....not taking care of myself.
Which is why I am teaching my college living daughter to "just say no". NO...it's not to drugs, although that would be alright too. It's just say "no" to whomever and whatever that makes you uncomfortable, tired, off schedule and just plain crazy. Through our recent talks it seems that time has started to repeat itself. So, I tell her what no one bothered to tell me....It's OK to say NO! NO, I can't go to dinner, NO, I don't want a boyfriend, NO, I need to study and NO...I just don't want to....
I told her that if at anytime she didn't want my opinion, advice or 2 cents, that she is to tell me NO thanks.........I'm Just Sayin'
I wish someone had taught me that it took me a lot of years too to say "no" and oh how much better life has been since I learned to say it. Great post and bravo for teaching your daughter to just say "no" Hugs
ReplyDeleteI still find it hard to say no to my kids, but I'm learning. They certainly don't seem to appreciate all the times I've said yes.
ReplyDeleteJust two little letters and they hardest thing to say. you are right giving your daughter that advice.
ReplyDeleteCathy
I so much prefer this to Nancy Reagan...♥
ReplyDeletegreat advice!!
ReplyDeleteI wish I had known this about 40years ago but then again I probably would not have listened since I already "knew" everything. Great lesson.
ReplyDeleteI've said no a few times but maybe didn't choose the right times and ended up being either ripped off or guilt ridden. There were also times it just didn't work out as well as if i had said yes; for example missing out on what turned out to be a good or a fun thing. Generally it's good advice but the key thing is to pick your nose carefully.
ReplyDeleteI have trouble saying no. It gets me in trouble.
ReplyDeleteGood for you Bunny! How to say no is a great lesson to learn (no matter how long it takes) and to teach our daughters. It's also something I'm still working on! It is a particularly female affliction, isn't it? I supppose if we say no sometimes it makes the times when we say yes more meaningful...
ReplyDeleteI used to always feel like I had to do stuff, had to help, had to go here and there, but now, I say NO more than ever and am much happier for it. I've become very selfish with my time; putting myself first. I realized I need to do that in order to be happy. Wishing you a wonderful weekend. Tammy P.S. I like your new blog look
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