Age...the dictator

It dawned on me the other night, while sitting in a restaurant scanning the menu and searching for things that I could digest that wouldn't upset my stomach....that my age is dictating my every move. Yes, it's come to this...where I have to time my eating habits with the time of day. For instance...no garlic, onions, dairy, caffeine, beef or any heavy meals after 6:30ish. If I do there is a price I have to pay and it's not pretty. Which leads me to this next topic. While trying to pick the right formula off the menu, I need my reading glasses. Holding the menu up to the hanging light above the table or asking Eric "what does this say?" just doesn't cut it anymore. And I've taken a whole new approach to shopping too. I just hang my little readers from my clothing so that if need be, I can just reach for them...kinda like a six shooter but instead of reaching from the hip...I reach for the bosom from which they hang...the readers that is.

Now that I've reach the 50 mark..Oh, OK...past the 50 mark, there are certain body parts that demand our attention . Certain tests can only be taken when the magic number comes up...50, it's like Vegas, all the bells and whistles go off. It seems that not only do our outside gets old but our insides do too, so we are now subject to pricks, jabs, insertions , squeezing, pamphlets and brochures with pictures of very happy seniors on them.

Activities? Sure I'm active...even more so than before except I don't do Aerobics, run, play a sport that involves the above or participate in any contact sport. You see, these activities are not so good on knees, backs and shoulders...all of which I have problems with which is why I swim, do water aerobics,yoga and walk. Thank God not one of these activities needs reading glasses.

How 'bout the stuff you can't see...like Hormones. Oh I know their there, just not all the time and when they do show up I think they go get their buddies and play street hockey in my head because honestly, it seems that where they show up the most...in my head. I can see crying once in a while and at appropriate times but every freakin' day? I'm sorry...no one has that many Kodak moments in their lives.

Sex...yeah, I got your attention now huh? You know your older when you have to stretch a little in anticipation AND sometimes during and perhaps after too. I just tell Eric it's a new move...hey! at least I'm moving!

So my point being that everyone has to fine tune their lives and their daily routine just so we can adjust to our getting older. And when I'm 80 years old, I just hope I can still find the humor in it...some one have a camera ready cuz it'll probably be a Kodak moment...I'm just sayin'