Saturday, May 1, 2010
Dear Mr. I don't have a clue how to deal with babies,
Yeah, I'm talking to you. You didn't notice me today at the market because you we're too busy critiquing, criticizing and threatening your infant son. You didn't even know I was behind you in the card aisle making googly faces at him when you started your rant. I would suspect you son is about 1 year or there about, so I know he has a world of knowledge already and I'm gonna estimate your age at about ....hmmmm, 10, so you have 9 times the knowledge he has.
When you tell your infant son to stop dropping his toy and call him a bad boy and threaten him by telling him your not going to take him to the birthday party today, it took all my being to not slap you into next week. Did you not see the "Parenting" magazine sitting there right next to the cards or maybe I should have slipped it into your cart while you were busy berating your baby. And no, you didn't stop there, you started critiquing his little shoes and warning him to keep them on or 'you swear", he's not going later today. At this point, I'm thinking he doesn't know any better, why?...his cognitive thinking isn't developmentally mature and he's used to this. I'm sure you act like this at home, I mean, why would you save this performance for the public...right?...your 15 minutes of fame. You want recognition, perhaps you can start with a "How not to treat a baby" educational flick.
Even though I have a little puny AA in Childhood Development, any normal person would know that your son is incapable of holding on to a toy while being pushed in a cart. It's called "fine motor skills"..unlike your very well developed "motor mouth" skills, he can't help it...he's not at that developmental stage yet...but what does he know?...he probably loves you all the same. Until later, when your parenting skills boomerangs back at you and he turns around and tells you to F off. That would be a proud moment if you ask me...the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. Which reminds me...I kinda followed you around a little to make sure you didn't do anything REALLY stupid, but when you park your cart near the apples...your son is going to reach for them. What did you expect...a well adjusted, well behaved controlled infant...like his father?
So in conclusion, I hope you wife or partner screams at you in Latin when you get home today, so that you don't understand a word she's saying and threatens to keep you from partying tonight.
bunny, the baby saver
PS. Just thought you'd like to know that constantly bending over and picking things up is a good way to lose weight so that in the future you can play with your son.....I'm just sayin"