Saturday, March 20, 2010

Beach Bunny

Not sure how guys feel about shopping for swim trunks or if they even care. I guess as long as the mesh inside holds down the fort and the waist band can expand while slinging back Margaritas, it should suffice. But us women folk...HELL NO! It's no secret that I am a beach bunny and that I spend a lot of time at the beach or swimming laps at the local community center in the summer, so being in a bathing suit is not new to me. Having been a plus size gal, my attitude has always been, there's always someone who looks worst than me....and there usually is. Yeah, there was always a little more jiggle and a lot more buoyancy than others but it never stopped me from going out and buying a couple of new suits per year...I need two because I always wear one out.

So, it's that time again where the bathing suits are out (don't know's Spring) and I wanted to see what's out there before they were all gone and I'm forced to wear a gunny sack. Having lost weight lately, I had no idea what size to try on. All my clothes are big on me and I'm too cheap to run out and buy a whole new wardrobe, knowing or rather hoping or perhaps wishing I'd lose more. Needless to say, I am now wearing two sizes down from last year, but that's not the shocking part...Oh No, it gets better. Because I've lost weight, my bum if full of wrinkles or at least I think that's what that is. When your a full figure gal the skin is somewhat tight and OK looking, but now, my ass looks like a freakin' Shar pei know the type, face and body full of wrinkles and I got an crevasse ass. So instead of me asking my husband if my bum looks fat in this thing, I should probably ask him, " what breed of dog does my ass look like?" Cellulite, wrinkles and crevasses will not stop me from enjoying myself but, DAMN!!, can't a girl get a break? I'm just sayin'


  1. Guess being skinny really is it's own reward, yes?
    Having been plus-sized and blessed with cellulite since 12, I empathize...and besides, Sharpeis are awfully cute and cuddly, might liven things up, you never know!

  2. I am a member of the local chapter of the ASPCA and am representing the Shar-pei rescue Association. We have read your blog and find it offensive. We request that immediately cease and desist from comparing your ass to the lovely Shar-pei. However if it does look like a Shar-Pei we would like pictures for our breeders book. While we are at it the cat Fancier Association asked that you please refraim from comparing other parts to the Hairless Sphynx Cat.

  3. That's one of the things that I'm worried about...what I'd look like without the 'fat' stuffing under the skin, and I'm thinking I'm fine the way I am....plump!

    your post was honest and 2 your candidness!

    ciao bella
    thanks for coming by
    c a r m e l i n a

  4. You are tooooo funny and I do know exactly how you feel and look LOL. Right now I'm liking the fact that my plumpiness is hiding my sharpei wrinkles. Post pictures LOL.

  5. Just came by from Maggies and read your bio...funny, honest, and sarcastic..just the way I like it!
    I am a little plump myself and haven't worn a swimsuit in many years...well, I can't swim so that's probably why...yeah, that's it.
    Take care..jj

  6. Funny, Bunny! I rather fancy tea length bathing suits... ~ Angela

  7. I know what you are say'n Bunny! Even thin women ain't got it all goin' on. It takes so much effort to keep it all firm and toned and in the right places. Ugh! I don't do sun well anymore so don't often buy suits and I just feel so uncomfortable in them. Jojo said she read your bio on Maggie's blog so I am going over there now. I thought that came out on Monday. Anywho -- have a super Sunday! Check ya later. :) Tammy

  8. Hi Bunny, I just popped over to say hello from Maggie's blog where I read your story!! You sound like my kind of gal!!!
    Every word you wrote is true, blokes don't care - even if they are super plus size they think they're gorgeous!! Us women however - oh no, we spend hours looking at our back jugs (sorry, no offence), our bums, legs spare tyres!! Do you know, we are the only ones that do!! It doesn't help me that my best friend - yeah that's right the one we go on holiday with is a UK size 6-8 - I think that's a US 4-6, with taught muscles!!! So I'm now watching what I eat till we go in July, then till November when we go again!!!!!! Life's a beach!!

  9. LOL LOL one that has lost over 110 am I not only going to 'steal' your saying of: "I'm a serial junk,treasure,vintage and crap collector and proud of it." but " what breed of dog does my ass look like?"

    I can't stop laughing....LOL LOL

  10. Oh dearest, I understand. I am small and I still have the crap. I look at others' whose arse is smooth and firm and I just think it is unfair!!!! WHY ME? WHY?????? My darling cousin and I sing the same song. I think it was our gorgeous grandmother that started the whole thing. I on the contrary, am not a beach bunny, never have been, never will be, so, wearing a revealing suit is not a worry for me, but dang....I would sure love to wear some shorts without feeling like a freak show! I have literally had people say to me, "That is so are so tiny, but you still have BIG HIPS!" Yeah, thanks. I hadn't noticed all these years.....

    BUT! we are wonderful, witty, talented and HEALTHY gals, and let us carry on!!!

    Have a blast of a day, Anita

  11. Hi Bunny, do you remember Victoria Principal wrote The Body Principal because she noticed her posterior was going south? For some reason this sprang to mind reading your most amusing post. I did one on saggy knees a while back and decided that crop pants were the way to go!

    Have a great week!


  12. Two words - Lycra and Spandex - two of the best inventions in history. Perfect for holding all the "wobbly bits". Find a great swimsuit with all over control and make waves - has some terrific plus size swimsuits from Carol Wior that will help you defy gravity and more! Thanks for the chuckle.

  13. Oh gosh you are too funny!
    Good for you losing the weight! Trying on and buying swimsuits is the hardest thing no matter what size you are. We all have our quirks. But what "breed of dog does my ass look like" is priceless. Where do you come up with this stuff?


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